I am NOT sorry… (the end)

Dear friend,
You didn’t think I would go back on my promise, did you? Well, I know I have literally taken ages to get that ink and paper, but you of all people should know I always keep my word. Especially if its to someone I love as much as I love you. Leaving all this sentimental nitty gritty, I shall move on to the real reason I am writing to you. Where was I? Yes, that fellowship. Yes, like I said, I found those weird people doing those weird things we always sneered at: like praying out loud (did they think God was deaf??), and the way they paced around the room, jumping and clapping unrythmically as they prayed (this one was really weird). And the weirdest of all things: Tongues! Haha! You should have been there with me to laugh at the absurdity of people spewing out incomprehensible, unintelligible gabble in the name of speaking (praying) in tongues! Yes, these people were wierd, no doubt! But besides all the weirdness, I found people who were fully consumed when worshipping their God, people who were genuinely excited during the sharing of the Word, people who seemed so full of life and love and were more than willing to share it. It was something I had never seen or experienced before; and I do not know whether it was this same thing that made me overlook the weirdness, but I did, and somehow, the next week I found myself in fellowship. And frankly speaking, I am not sorry.

I am not sorry that that fellowship changed me. I am not sorry that I could no longer join in with you in bitterly complaining about the unfairness of life. I am not sorry that I lost interest in the things that were our favorite pass times. I am not sorry that my conversations changed: that all I could talk about was fellowship this and fellowship that. I am not sorry that I started seeing the best of everyone: even that girl we vowed we would hate forever. No, am not sorry! I am not sorry that I found life, love and hope in abundance! And I know you really have no actual problem with these things; who doesn’t want life? Who doesn’t want hope? Everyone does. I know that you also love these things. The real problem here is; Can’t I turn it down a little? Do I have to rub it in your face? Can’t I try to fit in according to the situation? Do I always have to bring it up? Can’t I compromise for the sake of friendship?
Well, the answer is NO. No, I can’t turn it down a little: I am Born Again and I shall paint it on my doorposts and walls or tatoo it on my forehead if I like. And you, you should get Born Again! No, I will not stop telling you. I will rub it in your face till your face is all sore if I have to. I promise, I will remind you every chance I get. If I don’t find you when I knock at your door, I will scream and shout it on the street corners.

Understand this dear friend: when I got Born Again, I found life; and then I wondered what I had been doing all the while. Hadn’t I been living? The answer was no. I hadn’t been living! I was just staggering through life, going through the motions, always searching for joy but never being able to have it. I yearned for a moment of peace, but that too was miles away from me. I hungered for love! Every second of every minute of every hour, I hungered for love, but I found none! I desperately wanted, needed to be loved; instead, I was hurt continually. My trust was betrayed every other day and my heart broken into a million pieces by people that had vowed to always protect me! Can you honestly say I was living? No! That,  my dear,  is not life!

So when I tell you I am not sorry, know that I mean every word of it. I found a Man that pledged His unfailing, unending, relentless and unconditional love for me. This Man… Well, what I can say? He’s indescribable!  His love, unexplainable! I found Jesus Christ, no, He found me… And I am NOT sorry He did.

Your friend,
Suzan.